Battle of the Sexes: Part II
Here is why we hate democracy. The gals say cute little things, the men take it as unnecessary provocation, and then we find ourselves in the unenviable position of having to act as "astaraki azawintoch". (As if we don’t have enough tata of our own to keep us busy well into the Millennium).
It took an act of God to galvanize Ethiopian men to dust off their dictionaries, and return fire. And because we want to remain the ‘Switzerland’ in this little "chikucha", we will leave it up to you readers to determine exactly who won this Battle.
SELEDA MEN SPEAK
We understand that a number of brazen Weizerits and Weizeros have been comparing the "Ato Attack" in "Battle of the Sexes: Part One" to Mussolini’s infamous December bombardment of Dessie in 1935. These few, vindictive maidens have been heard murmuring "Hiroshima!" with glee, but fortunately in post-revolutionary Ethiopia, at most, we jeer when extremists exhale (we’ve come a long way, baby!).
The ferocity of the attack has, alas, splintered the once cohesive
Atos. One or two feeble fellows have bolted in panic to the self-help section of Barnes & Noble. A few ascetic souls have petitioned for permanent cells at Waldeba and Debre Libanos. Many more have declared their pacifism and have not responded to the call-to-arms.
Nevertheless, weary shiftas, armed with dimofters, gashas, chiko and
Kolo have emerged out of their cyber foxholes. They scour the hostile but
lush landscape and take aim…one…two… three…BANG!!!
- The "Because we have to go through 36-hours of labor" clause can only be used as sparingly as we use the "Because I am the man" clause.
- "MAYBE" means "no"... as in "Yeah, maybe I’ll go see 'Shakespeare in Love' with you".
- True love is never having to say "endet tilresaleh?"
- We will fight for our right for more closet space.
- We declare one room in the house 100% potpourri-free zone.
- We like protecting you... sue us!
- We want an hour's credit to watch sports per every pair of shoes you own... nah... even we can't watch that much ESPN
- Moving your perfume from our side of the vanity to yours is as much "getting in touch with our feminine side" as we wanna do.
- WHAT is your perfume doing on our side of the vanity anyway?
- Standing up for yourself does not make you less adorable.
- Don’t ask again: It doesn’t matter how well you cook, our mothers always make better ‘wat’.
- You don’t have to be either "all abesha" or "all ferenje" all the time. It’s that perfect combination that we are looking for.
- Not wanting to solve ALL your problems doesn’t mean we don’t love you.
- We can be sensitive men without having to admit it.
- Uh… sensitive men are dorks.
- Don’t start any, any ANY sentence with "Enante habasha wondoch sitibalu…"
- We love women who agree to disagree and respect their man. It shows that you are neither self-centered nor selfish.
- No one will make you happy unless you are happy with yourself first. It is not our duty, nor is it anyone else's to make you happy. However, contributing to your happiness is, and that role we all accept.
- Listen carefully to the words in the song by R. Kelly "When a Woman's Fed Up" and change "Woman" to "Man". No matter how cute we think you are, we can really get as fed up as you can.
- We're a couple, not clones. It's OK for us to like different things.
- Don't ask us about past relationships! We are not going to tell you.
- No, we don't dream about super-models so stop asking!
- If all the cars are behind us they can't hit us! That's why we drive fast.
- True we don't always notice your new dress or hairstyle, but we always notice you. (That should count for something).
- We can say what you want to hear, or we can say what we believe. Which one do you want to hear?
- We are not being chauvinists. We just know more.
- Don’t start mind games you can’t finish.
- We like seeing you in our clothes… we just like to get them back at some point.
- "Open communication" has been declared a two-way street.
- We love Ethiopian women: we like your proud sensibility, your thought process… and, (OK, don’t go crazy on us!) your beauty.
- We want to make you happy, too.